Grieving in the rain
by Botan G
Summary: The rain is back but only on the rare occasion she comes back from her endless self-imposed missions. Unable to help, the guild waits for Gray to reach out. Post-finale (I don't like titles)


A/N: I went on a depression walk 2 months ago and thought of this.

* * *

The pavement sparkled as the rain grew heavier. After so many months the residents of Magnolia had grown well acquainted with this. It never lasted long and so they went about their normal routines with their umbrellas out. Magnolia weather never used to call for an umbrella this frequently, but nothing seemed to be how it used to be.

Speaking of umbrellas, the only thing the rain woman had to be grateful for lately was finding her umbrella. She considered throwing it out years ago when the rain finally went way but ended up keeping it just in case. It did her no good separated from it in Amerfurashi village but now she used it everywhere just as before.

Her boots splashed on the newly formed puddles as she made her way back to the guild. Without any sign of emotion she walked in ready to ignore anyone who tried to approach her. Even Fairy Tail was used to this. Several members compared it to when Siegran was a member. All she did was go in and out. She rarely took a break not even to go home. She was missed but no one knew how to end the cycle and almost everyone had given up. They had one hope, one man to take care of this, but he hadn't even tried. They couldn't blame him though. He was also troubled.

"How did the mission go?" Mira asked hoping to start some kind of conversation as Juvia slapped a new flyer on the counter. Juvia simply nodded. Conversation was becoming a rarity for her.

"Shouldn't you be taking a break?" A gruff voice interrupted.

She looked at the man who had just joined her at the counter. His red eyes burning a hole through her skull.

"Gajeel-kun…" The first time anyone really heard her speak in far too long.

"When was the last time you slept in your house?"

Tears formed as she remembered that night, sleeping in _his_ bed. She didn't want to answer that question and chose to look down instead.

Gajeel noticed this and sighed, "Where're you headed this time?"

Juvia showed him the flyer in response. He looked it over. S-class, quite a ways away, guaranteed to be gone for at least two weeks. They were almost all like this.

"Look, enough going solo," Gajeel said. "I'll join you on this one. We can get it done faster. I could use the money—"

"As much as that may be true, Gajeel-kun, Juvia does not wish to separate you from your family.

Guilt overcame him as he glanced at Levy and the twins who were being entertained by their uncles. That glance was all it took for Juvia to duck out of the guild. Realizing his failure Gajeel slammed his fist on the counter.

"Dammit!" He yelled and everyone else couldn't help but stare as he seethed in his failure.

A few minutes later the door opened up and in walked Gray Fullbuster.

"You just missed your wife!" Gajeel snarled.

Gray looked at the smashed counter and frowned.

"Yeah… I saw… the puddles…" he muttered.

"Tch," Gajeel responded in disgust. He joined Levy, taking a twin in an attempt to calm down.

No use in sitting at the now broken counter Gray joined Natsu, Happy, and Lucy at a table with his beer.

"Hey…" Lucy awkwardly said as she greeted her practically former teammate. Quite the opposite from Juvia, he rarely took jobs and if he did they rarely went on longer than a day. Whereas Juvia did everything to stay away from home Gray seemed to be doing everything to stay.

"Nice to see you leaving that house," Natsu absently chimed in.

Gray flashed him a look of pure anger.

"That's not what—I didn't mean—"

"It's ok, Natsu, I know you're not the best with words."

"What's that—" Natsu stopped as he felt Erza's firm hand on his shoulder.

"Gray," Erza said as she sat down to join the group. "How have you been?"

"Same," Gray responded looking down. With a deep breath he added, "Just the same."

"I'm sure the master would be willing to offer some advice…"

"Oh god," Gray interrupted putting his hand to his face. "Has it gotten that bad?"

"There's nothing wrong with asking for help, Gray," Erza responded.

"I'm not asking for help!" Gray snapped back.

"Damn that wall is back," Natsu added kicking his feet on the table.

"What wall?" Lucy asked.

"That wall Gray puts up to block people from his life. Why else do you think it took Juvia so long get anywhere with this block head? She had to tear it down." Natsu answered oblivious to the mood at the table.

"I can hear you!" Gray yelled at him.

"Good! Then do something about it!" Natsu yelled back. "Do you think anybody is ok seeing you two like this?!

"Gray…" Lucy started to say, "you can't just keep—"

"It's not just me!" Gray said exasperated. "At least I'm still here!"

"Are you really?" Natsu blurted out.

Lucy turned to him confused.

"Yeah, you've got every reason to be upset but don't go acting like you're back to normal!"

"I'm not!" Gray shouted back.

"So you just came here for a drink? Decided to join us like usual?"Natsu pressed on.

"Don't give me crap for trying to move on!" Gray was getting more defensive

"You're not though! You just slipped into some crappy routine. Same as before and same as her."

"Hey, I've—"

"What good is it staying here when she won't?" Natsu asked.

"She needs time… we need…"

"You've both had time. Now you need to heal, together! Because you're clearly not doing that at all by yourself."

"You didn't see her! The day she came home. The last time she slept in tha—our house. I found her crying in…"Gray paused, the memories too strong. "and there was nothing I could do about it. I couldn't… I still can't go in there… I slept right outside but in the morning she was gone. With the rain…I closed that door for a reason."

The whole guild was quiet at this point. A rare fete. Outside they could hear the pitter patter of rain which never really ceased.

"It's still raining, Gray," Erza said gently. "She's still here… Maybe you can go to the train station before she leaves."

"You don't get it!" Gray blurted out. "She's not at the train station."

"Well, wherever she is you should go!" Natsu pointed out.

"Not there… I haven't been back there since…"They all realized what he meant and kept quiet. "It's bad enough in that empty house… especially today."

Lucy gasped. "Oh no, Gray. Don't tell me today—"

"It's ok if you forgot. I wish I could forget."

"No you don't," this time it was Gajeel that spoke up. He walked over carrying his son, the boy resting his napping head on his father's shoulder. The site made Gray turn away.

"Why does she keep leaving?" Gray asked seemingly no one.

"She's running away," Gajeel answered. "She comes back so it seems easy enough to say that's not it but it is. I can't stop it. I've tried. Have you?"

Gray looked back at Gajeel and his sleeping son. He saw Levy coming up behind him carrying their still awake daughter.

"Take care of them," he said as he got up and left the building.

"Do you think he's going to look for her?" Levy asked.

"I don't know shit but I sure hope so."

* * *

The groundskeepers made sure to keep everything ready for her once they saw the rain coming. They made the connection long ago that along with the rain came a certain visitor. While most of the guild questioned her recent ability to talk, the groundskeepers knew all too well that she had no problem muttering her soft "thank you" as she picked up the bucket and ladle they kept waiting for her and walked to the one spot in Magnolia where it never rained.

Perhaps it was overcompensation that it never rained in that one specific spot. Almost as if Juvia was trying to make up for not being able to protect him. Now she was only shielding him from herself.

"Shin~Shin~To," Her old mantra snuck it's way passed her lips as she headed to the cleanest headstone in the graveyard. While the others were littered in mud from the constant rain this one remained pristine and dry. It only got wet when it was cleaned which happened every time Juvia finished a mission.

Today was different. She tried her best to align her missions so that she wouldn't visit today. Fate worked differently and as she stood there reading todays date reflecting as she washed the grave she knew it was the right thing to do. No matter how much she did not want any confrontation on this day, she knew it was her duty to be there.

She couldn't say how long she stood there umbrella in hand watching the incense burn instead of birthday candles.

"Juvia tried not to be here but she couldn't stay away," she finally admitted out loud.

"Is this where you sleep," A voice pierced through the sound of rain, "when you don't want to go back home?"

"It is not wise to sleep in the rain. One could get sick." Juvia answered bitterly after a quick pause, not bothering to look back at her husband. She secretly hoped this comment would upset him, bringing back guilty memories of her time in Amefurashi Village.

"Is that why you protect him? He can't get sick anymore." Those words pierced her heart stronger than any others before. Her umbrella fell from her hand as she tried to comprehend what was just said. For the first time in a long time the emotionless rain woman showed not just a trace of emotion but a full on tidal wave.

"How… How could you say that?!" she yelled in anger, in betrayal, is sadness.

He knew what he said was wrong. It hurt him just as much to say it as it did her to hear it. Why did he even say it? Was it to hurt her? Was it to remind himself? Surely the empty house was enough of a reminder. But he continued.

"I see you're not as cold and emotionless as you make yourself out to be."

"It would take someone cold and emotionless to say such things!" Juvia yelled back shaking in anger.

"As you know, the cold is my specialty." The rain increased and lightning struck as this downpour became a full on storm.

"Why?"

"I could ask you the same thing!" Gray responded every ounce of bitterness that had built up in the past few months spewing out.

"What did Juvia-?"

"Why did you leave?! Why do you leave?! I haven't seen you in months!"

"And yet this is how you choose to greet Juvia…" her emotionless face was returning.

"At least I made a choice. Do you think I like coming here?" Gray responded.

"Does Gray-sama think Juvia does?"

"Why else won't you come home? A house is one thing but a graveyard? Juvia, look at all the mud. You need a break from all this—"

"Rain?!" Juvia finished.

Gray gave a dry chuckle, "so this is it, huh? Is this the emotionless rain woman I've heard so much about?"

"Gray-sama has never seen the emotionless rain woman! Every time Juvia sees…"she was seething trying to put words together. "Why?! Why do you always do this to me?!"

"Sure, blame me! For everything! Blame me for emotions! Blame me for your rain! Blame me for his—"

"STOP!" she yelled as she started striking, blinded by emotions.

He easily dodged it, knowing how she gets in her rage.

"Is this it? That rematch I was promised years ago? Your emotions were a mess then too!"

"We had our rematch. You said you never wanted to hurt Juvia. What is this then?!" she yelled attempting to get a hit in.

"And you said that you wanted to protect me," he countered finally raising an arm to block instead of dodging. "I can see how well that worked."

Upset at yet another verbal attack Juvia struck around in a blind rage not caring where the blows landed, yelling after every one:

"JUVIA

WANTED

TO

PROTECT

THOSE

SHE

LOVED!"

"And where did that get us?!" he responded coldly.

Blinded by grief, anger, sadness they fought on splashing mud in every direction as the rain continued. This fight would have gone on for much longer than it should have had there been no rain, had there been no mud, had this mud not splashed overall the headstones. Specifically the one they had been there to visit, knocking down the incense and extinguishing it in the ground.

Juvia abruptly stopped with a gasp and ran to the head stone leaving Gray to slip on his back covered in mud with it in his view. With tears in her eyes Juvia started cleaning the headstone resorting to using her magic as the tools given to her by the grounds keepers were also damaged.

"Mama's sorry… this is why she didn't want to come…" she repeated as she sobbed quietly trying to do an efficient job.

As he lay there, drenched in rain on his back in front of his son's grave, Gray read the epitaph over and over as the memory from that very day years before flashed in his mind.

He remembered her bare back against his bare chest as he helped keep her sitting upright. A couple of times she would collapse onto him exhausted as she kept a tight grip on his hands. They stayed like that through it all and when it was finished they both held their son, his arms over hers as they embraced for the first time as a family. There was so much love in these memories that were now tainted with grief. The only thing to bring him out of this memory was the sounds of his wife's footsteps as she finally decided to walk away.

"He was my son too!"

The footsteps stopped.

"You act like you're all alone but you're not the only one hurting! I go home to that empty house everyday, something you can't seem to do anymore!" he steadily stood up as he yelled the rain disguising his tears, "You're the one that left this time, Juvia, not me!"

Slowly he walked towards her.

"Job after job. You can't keep doing this. The last time you came home was…"

She remembered that day. She saw him at the guild and decided to go home while he was still there. She made it inside and saw the closed door. That door was never closed, he always hated having it closed, preferring to hear his parents snores in the night to reassure him. She opened it and immediately saw why it was closed. It was exactly the same. No matter how much time had passed it still looked exactly the same. As though there son were still living there, due to come home to play or sleep. She saw the misplaced toys and started to cry. She fell on her knees and grabbed one remembering its name and pulling it to her chest. She couldn't say how long she stayed like that but her attention shifted to his first toy up on his bed. He would always sleep with it. He couldn't do that now so she climbed in the bed and did it for him.

She left the door open. When she woke up in the morning she could sense that she was not alone. In the door way slept Gray, on the cold floor. He couldn't enter but he wouldn't leave her alone. Rather than use this opportunity to reconcile she left. She wasn't ready and looking at her husband asleep in the hallway she knew that he wasn't either. So she left managing not to alert him. When he woke up long after she had left he regretted not being able to join her and closed the door once more.

"Juvia does not wish to move on."

"I can tell. But we can't keep doing what we're doing."

"The rain isn't stopping."

"I'm not asking for the rain to stop, Juvia, I'm just asking for you to come home," Gray said as he extended his hand out to her.

"But, Gray-sama always took the rain away." Juvia answered softly.

Gray shook his head, "Not today," he told her as she softly grabbed his and allowed him to lead her home.

* * *

It had been a long time since Gray had woken up unable to move his arm. He missed it. He frowned slightly as he heard the rain falling outside. It would take time but one look at his wife sleeping peacefully beside him made him hopeful. The night he caught her sleeping in their son's bed her tear stained face showed all the emotions she kept hidden as she commanded her days as the rain woman. He slept in the doorway that night not wanting to leave her alone with her demons but still not ready to enter the room. He kept that door closed for a reason. He glanced at it now through the doorway of their room. At least, for now, it was their room again.

"Gray-sama?"

He looked down at her. She looked the most refreshed she had been in a while.

"When will the rain stop?" she innocently asked him.

"When you're ready," he answered hoping that was enough of an answer. "And maybe by then I'll be ready to open that door."

They laid there in silence.

"Juvia misses our baby boy," more tears. Indoors the rain couldn't hide them.

"Me too," he said as he pulled her closer. "Me too."

* * *

A/N: I tried to keep the age, name, and cause of death as vague as possible because I have no idea what they're supposed to be. I couldn't even decide and went with anywhere between the age of 3-8.

Disclaimer: still not a fan


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